I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child in June of 2016. We were over the moon. My older kids were 5 & 6 and so excited. We went and bought as much gender neutral stuff as we could before we found out the sex. I had very bad “morning” sickness that lasted all day and when I got to my 20 week appointment I was glad because I thought that this would be my silver lining to feeling so bad all that time. The ultrasound tech took way longer than they had with my other 2 kids and we just thought it was because the baby was moving so much she couldn’t get a clear view of whether it was a “he” or “she.” When the doctor came in after the sonogram he told me that he was sorry, but my baby looked to have spina bifida and told me all about the complications that come with it and he said he would be referring me to a specialist for the remainder of my pregnancy. I had opted out of the AFP test at the beginning of that appointment because I didn’t want to know about Down syndrome or what else could be wrong because just like with my other babies I told them I would love it regardless. After this heartbreaking news, the doctor recommended I take the test to check for other potential problems. I got a call a few days later that crushed my whole world forever…. Not only did my baby boy have spina bifida, but he also had Trisomy 18. She proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong, but the only words I heard were “incompatible with life.” I was completely heartbroken. Not just for me, but for my poor innocent baby. The next 4 months crept by. The sickness never let up and I know that all my anxiety building up to the birth didn’t help with it. Finally, on January 30, 2017, I went in for a scheduled c-section and my perfect angel was born at 9:02. He lived for an hour and a half and we all got to hold him and love on him until he peacefully passed away. I never imagined that anything could hurt as bad as living without my baby every day, but I’m more than thankful that he’s no longer suffering from all those complications and I have an angel to watch over me until I can hold him again.
Canaan’s story
