Parents: Rebecca & Clint
Born to heaven at 22 weeks
Amanda Lynn’s Story
It was 7:00pm on Monday, March 29, 2004 that the Rebecca and Clint’s lives were changed forever. That was the day they got a call from their OB/GYN who told them their AFP screen came back positive with a 1:10 chance for Trisomy 18.
After thinking about their ultrasound and talking over all of the serious problems that Amanda had developed, they decided to end the pregnancy. Rebecca said, “We made the decision not to carry to term based on the problems with Amanda’s heart among other issues with the pregnancy. Her heart only had two chambers. She would definitely not have survived. I also had a lot of bleeding in the previous months of the pregnancy.”
Rebecca writes about Amanda’s birth, “My husband & I went to the doctor on Monday, April 12th to begin the process of inducing labor. I was admitted to the hospital at 1:30 p.m. on Tuesday, April 13. My husband stayed by my side the entire time. We never called anyone and nobody came to visit. We felt we just wanted to be alone. My labor started about 6:00 p.m. that night and I was given an epidural at 11:30 p.m. Our angel Amanda was peacefully born to Heaven at 4:25 a.m., Wednesday, April 14, 2004.
Clint and Rebecca shared that they did not feel that their faith played a determining role in their decision to end the pregnancy. “I am Christian and I truly believe that God has a plan for each of us even though we may not understand it at times. But our decision was based on medical information and mostly from the heart.”
Rebecca reflects on the things she remembers most fondly, “My favorite memories of Amanda were feeling her kicking. And I will always treasure the time we had alone with Amanda. It was just the three of us in the hospital room. The nurses left us alone with her. We cried a lot and just held onto each other. We told her how much we loved her and I gave her a kiss on the forehead.”
The Randall’s did not have a memorial service for Amanda. “We had her cremated. My husband and I, along with our daughter Erin, went together to pick up her ashes on Friday, April 23. My husband picked out the most beautiful, silver heart-shaped box to keep her ashes in. Now we have her at home with us.”
Rebecca is most thankful for the opportunities she had to feel Amanda’s kicks. Although they were too few, each one is a precious memory. Rebecca adds, “I’m thankful for having the chance to hold her, if only for a little while. I’m very thankful for all the love and support from our friends and families and for the Online Community Support Website hosted by the Trisomy 18 Foundation. This Support website has been a big part of my healing.”
Amanda is not the first child that Rebecca and Clint lost. “We had a miscarriage 9 weeks into my second pregnancy, just 3 months before we became pregnant with Amanda. We also had a second miscarriage at 9 weeks on Dec. 27, 2004, just 8 months after losing Amanda. I have learned so much in a short period of time. The biggest thing for me now is learning how to cope with losing a child. I’m feeling so many different emotions all at once. But I’m learning that whatever I’m feeling, it’s perfectly okay. ”
I think the most important thing I’ve learned from so many women on the [Community Support ]site is to just go with the flow. I am also learning that time does ease the pain. But there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of Amanda. And while I’m getting back to “normal” I’ve learned that it’s a different kind of normal. I will never be the same person I was before I had Amanda. She has touched our lives and our hearts so deeply. We love her so much.”
“Many have described the ups and downs as a roller coaster ride. You just have to hang on and just let it roll.”