My husband and I were married on August 1, 2015. We were both 37 and decided that if we were going to have a child it should be soon. I have 2 children from a previous marriage, 11 and 13 years old. We found out we were pregnant in November 2015. Everything was going well, my check ups were normal and the baby’s heartbeat was strong.
We had our 20 week ultrasound which came back showing a soft marker which was 2 cysts in her brain. The OBGYN assured us that this cyst was normal however they know it is consistent with babies with Trisomy 18. He mentioned that they had went through the ultrasound results and noticed NO other markers. He asked us to have a 2nd ultrasound done at 28 weeks to make sure the cysts had disappeared which he was sure they would. On the day before my follow up ultrasound was due I hadn’t felt the baby move. We did everything we had known. Drink a surgery drink, eat spicy food etc. I thought I felt the baby move so I went to work. Throughout the day I felt no movement. That evening I felt no movement. I figured maybe the baby was just less active and all would be ok. After we went to bed that night I woke up around 1 am. I woke my husband up and said I know something isn’t right. We need to go to the hospital right now.
When we arrived at the hospital, I was hooked up to the fetal monitor and ultrasound and there was no heartbeat, no movement. Our baby had passed away. That was the most terrifying moment of our lives. Our baby girl who we were expecting to meet in 12 weeks was gone. We chose to be induced right away. The moment when the doctor told me it was time to push is a moment I will never forget. I knew I would be delivering a sleeping baby, I cried during the entire delivery. Hayley was delivered and she was beautiful. She didn’t look as though anything was wrong. Her cord looked unhealthy as if it was twisted. My husband and I and the doctor all thought that would be her diagnosis. Later it was confirmed she had Trisomy 18.
We held Hayley for hours dreading the thought of giving her back knowing we would never be taking her home. Today is 8 months since her passing and not a day goes by we don’t think of her.
We were able to say goodbye and hold her tight.
To all the mothers who give birth to a sleeping baby, my heart aches for you. To all the father’s who feel helpless and watch their sons and daughters born sleeping I appreciate your strength. To all the new parents, hold your babies tight and love them with all you have, they are a treasure and are precious
Hayley Soleil Jackson – May 12, 2016